Being a stay-at-home parent sounds like a dream job because you get to “stay at home”.
With society’s impressions and unrealistic expectations of getting all the things done, homemade meals, a pristine house, a flourishing garden, all on your set schedule. Oh, and did I mention well-behaved children?
There are questions and comments I often encounter. While some are plain curious about what it’s actually like, and these inquiries are mere as is, it is less appealing as a conversation starter.
“So, what do you do? Oh wow..Must be good to have all that time doing nothing.”
Well, not just rude, but this is straight-up wrong.
I sat down and browsed through my planners comparing my activities from the previous years, and now that I’m staying at home, to see how much has changed.
When I was part-time working from home – around 2017
5:30 am: I wake up to the sound of my then 6-month old; make some milk then bid my husband goodbye for work. He tries to leave early so he can come back early in time for my afternoon/night shift. I groggily prep my breakfast and get ready for the day. Fold laundry from the night before.
7:00 a.m: Baby’s breakfast, play, and bath
9:00 a.m.: Mommy’s breakfast while calling my parents in the Philippines, and whoever else willing to chat for a little adult interaction.
10:00 a.m.: Takes out the baby for some outside time.
11:30 a.m.: Lunch and dinner prep. I try to feed him first, then hopefully concentrate on mine. It is not always the case, especially if he’s fussy during lunchtime. There are days when it’s not working smoothly, but then hopefully get to take a breather when I put him down for a nap.
…such as but not limited to diaper changes, bottle feeding and snacks, doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, and organizing, and you get a somewhat decent productive day.
2:30 p.m.: Might doze off with him but now I’m on the clock. I’ll take a shower, pop a load of laundry (we live in an apartment at the time and had a common area for a washer/dryer), and sign in for work at 3:45. Hopefully, Joe does not get stuck in traffic on his way home. Sometimes I have Vince on my lap and need to start taking customer calls. Most of my clients were understanding, but sometimes I get grumpy ones that get me reported to my supervisor.
4:00-9:00 p.m.: My work shift. I do it five times a week. At end of the month and holidays, these times change, sometimes up to midnight.
At this time Joe comes home from work, takes over Vince and the rest of the tasks for the day. He does Vince’s bedtime routine and they both go to bed at around 9:00.
These might all sound too easy. But don’t forget the “miscellaneous” tasks, such as but not limited to diaper changes, bottle feeding and snacks, doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, and organizing, and you get a somewhat decent productive day.
When I was part-time Grocery Shopper/Delivery Driver 2018-2020
While the job offers flexibility and income depending on how many shops you get to do, you will have to work longer hours if you want to hit a goal. At most weekends when it’s more profitable, I find myself running around the store and driving around town for people’s groceries, missing time for my family. But it sounded feasible then.
Fast forward when CoVid hit. There’s just no way of fulfilling orders decently because the stores were empty. It started to make less sense of staying outside where there’s more risk of getting infected.
Our family was blessed to live off a single income and while my husband was granted access to work from home, I chose to stay home exclusively for my family.
It never occurred to me that it will be difficult. I was excited about it. I wasn’t aware of the many other things you will “notice” once you are constantly at home, and find yourself trying to plan and get ahead of everything thrown at you.
Here are some of the learnings and reminders I gathered in the past year.
- You can manage your time, but there’s no way to extend it.
- Tasks are never ending; rank them according to importance; the rest can wait.
- Give yourself a break, and don’t feel guilty about it.
- Find a way to fill your cup first thing! You can’t run dry and empty on a packed day.
- Find yourself a hobby that you truly love doing. Something that you will still look forward to even when you’re tired. It will help you recharge and gain perspective about the better things in life.
- It is hard to concentrate on certain tasks having your children around. So either you let them be a part of it, or try to explain to them that you’ll finish what you’re doing, and then you can play; After which you can drop everything and give them your full attention.
- Don’t forget your spouse/partner! They were your first buddy before this family life happened. Try your best to catch up and talk even for just a couple of minutes, before you both crash out and do it all over again the next day.
Parenting is a tough job, whether you get to stay at home or not. What’s important is that you find the right amount of balance for yourself and your family, while keeping these precious relationships intact. And as always, like any other job, we always do our best.
